9 days and counting

Ohhhhhh
my heart aches
how do you deal with losing your true love?
how do you abandon the place where you've been the happiest?!
I don't think anyone could understand how deeply Paris has become a part of me.

I just read a previous entry, from the first few weeks of being in Paris.
And I recall not being as optimistic back then.
I guess it's a slow process... falling in love.
You open yourself up, you're vulnerable, walls down.
New experiences, new sensations, new feelings.
It took about a month and a half for me to know that this is it.
It's not going to get any better than this.
Paris has shown me the best time of my life.

I have never been so happy in my life.
carefree...
i don't have to deal with the problems of family
or the boy that keeps playing games.
I have been HAPPY
and it came from no one, but myself.

I am never going to forget the nights spent dancing under the lights
or day afternoons lying on the grass in beautiful Paris gardens
or the food... or the feeling of being in this wonderful city.
Just walking by the Seine and realizing how lucky I am.
The beautiful people
The freedom of going anywhere, anytime
no barriers, no limitations.
No judgment.

Gosh I've changed so much
I know it's hard to believe one can change in 5 months
but I feel like a different person.
I honestly don't think LA can satisfy anymore.

My eyes have seen so many beautiful things
how do i go back to LA and keep my heart from breaking?

I have nothing to go home to.
My mom... she could come visit!
my sister has her own life...
my friends could visit too.

There is nothing to go home for.
No motivation.
Nothing to tether my heart with that place
and everything keeping it here.

UGH
I want to stay
and be happy forever.
I don't wanna cry anymore, i don't want to feel betrayed and alone and misunderstood.
Just walking outside on a sunny day in Paris erases every negative feeling,
Nothing matters
it's like Paris envelops you with love.

USC is awesome too...
but what am i gonna do this summer?
back in my parent's house?
back to depending
asking for permission, for rides
feeling trapped
like i don't belong
having no space
suffocating.

Ugh I can already feel it.

I better stop
9 more days, i have to make the best of them.
I'll be back here soon.
If LA doesn't fit at all... then no reason to stay there.
I need to look for my own peace.

Resting from a sinful weekend.

So...
went to Belgium this week.
Courtesy of the lovely Adrianita and her amazing host family from the past.
I really didn't know what to expect-
I mean,
This girly talked about Belgium with such reverence, but yet I never got the real feel of what it was about.

It was AWESOME.

Firstly: Green pastures, Nature! FLOWERS!

Secondly: Lovely, unpretentious and friendly people, ready to welcome you into their home.

Thirdly: These people speak clearly, without the lame and snobby Parisian accent, so it's easy to understand and speak comfortably.

and most importantly: The food.

Oh... my... gosh...
That place is quite literally Maco Paradise

They have friteries, FRY SHOPS. Everywhere.
You can buy a full cone of delicious fries, smothered in your favorite sauce...
Heaven!
Idk if you know this...
I'm obsessed with fries
I think they might be my favorite food in the world!

Then they had waffles...
omg...
the waffles... with nutella, or ice cream and chocolate sauce.
Amazing

And then there was a chocolate shop every 2 steps.
Definitely my kind of place.

This week is a bit difficult because of exams...
I have an IR one right now, and tomorrow, Keanu Reeve's french lit.
UGH.

At least I have the memories from the weekend to keep me going.
The french should seriously invest in some Friteries, it would make people who live here happier... and not as somber.
Ok. Time to go i guess...

Oh oh... btw
I had a bad dream.
It's one of THOSE dreams.
I guess once you lose trust it doesn't come back the same,
there's always some sort of backlash.
UGH
ok... bye now.

The SUN and its effect on my MOOD

Insanity.
This weekend I was the craziest, most emotional PMSing bitch in the world,
and today, the sun came out and the weather was beautiful!
And all of a sudden everything was right with my world.
I was sooo happy all day.
I feel like my heart is full of joy
and love
I've been listening to mellow romantic music and waiting for the sun to come out again tomorrow.

I switched families!!!!!
I am soooo happy here!
I had not realized how badly that lady treated me, until I was surrounded by kind, welcoming people who make me feel completely at home!
ahhhh....
thank you baby jesus for lifting the hormonal shackles that oppressed me :)

Now I can listen to Robi draco rosa on repeat
and be in love with love :)
la la la

Les Choses Regardent en haute. (Things are looking up)

Thanks to my amazing life coach,
I've been feeling better about life.
A good cry is sometimes all you need for a new start.
I've been trying to go out, by myself, or with others
and being friendly and nice
even to the people i don't like much.
it's really not that much of an effort on my part, it almost costs me nothing
and in turn i feel better for not having anything negative against anyone.

The most annoying thing of this week: being sick.
More than a week after the fact and I still feel sick.
I wake up congested and hurty.
:( this stupid european flu virus will not take me down, damnit!

Another annoying thing,
I've been getting migraine headaches.
Like, sick, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, teary eyed pain in the brain.
wtf...
it starts when im at sorbonne french class...
and slowly grows and grows until i can't stand it anymore.
I have a free night right now,
I could be reading, which is what I usually love doing with my free nights (when I don't go out) but i can't, because I have a headache (it's not as severe this time)

Helas,
Today was a good day.
I met Leah (super nice girl)
We spent the early afternoon at the Musee d'Orsay
amazing museum,
I saw sooo many famous paintings!
Degas' Ballerinas, Van Gogh's hits, Some Monets, and some very Interesting others, it was very nice.
The musee d'orsay is cute, very well organize and easy to navigate through.
I would say I like it better than the Louvre, despite being smaller, because it's not as overwhelming, you can actually see what you want to see without feeling like you're out of time.
After the Orsay we went to the Latin quarter for lunch, we ate at one of those cute, in the wall greek sandwich places where they shave the meat/chicken out of a rotating chunk of roasted meat.
Delicious, a nice meal for 5.50!
we spent a little more at Haagen Dazs (and whytf is there an sz in there?)
Brownie with chocolate ice cream... mmmmMMMmmm
Then we're like, ok, food coma, let's go watch a movie.
My first French movie!!!!!!! :)
I would have appreciated my first time to be special.
And it was... but not for the right reasons.
We saw a movie called Ricky.
About a baby that has wings, and flies, flies, flies away from his mommy.
Lots of unnecesary nudity, that Hunky but evil captain from Pan's Labyrinth was the daddy, and man has he put on some weight! I barely recognized him halfway into the movie, his handsome features were hiding under his many voluminous jowls and gay little hoop earring.
En fin,
Movie was like..... o..k...o.0
But it was still a funny/curious/interesting experience.
I came home and to my utter disbelief, madame had cooked something edible!
*choir of angels*
she invented this casserole thing of potatoes and tuna and onions and cream and idk what else
but it was ok.
Now, I'm forcing myself to write, i feel like i dont keep up enough. and that many awesome details of my life here are going by unnnoticed.

Well... yeah
fun day
I'm a bit apprehensive because I don't have plans for the weekend.
But something will come up.
If not, I will force myself to go to Trocadero or Sacre Coeur with a good book and sit down, and read my way into the day.
Sounds like a good plan.

A bientot world!

I have been afflicted...

With a deadly strain of a blood-thirsty European flu virus.
The kind that killed 90% of the latin american natives in the past.
It is only fitting, that, as a show of European genetic superiority, impeccable breeding and immunity to this virus, I, the incan princess, contract it instead.
It is the sickest I've been in a while.
Usually I still retain my voice, my desire to eat, my desire to go out and have fun.
However,
this debilitating disease has bought me to my metaphorical knees.
I have been sleeping away the days, skipping meals, passing up pains au chocolat.
what is this world coming to?
the worst part,
It seems like my madame wants me out of the house.
She gets really weird when I don't go out.
today she was like,
"Diner avec tes amis?"
and i'm all looking like a zombie, on my deathbed, with tissues everywhere, droopy eyes and red nose: "oui, oui"
ugh
If i was at my apartment at home, I could stay in the entire day, and regain my strength, but here I'm expected to go out morning and night.

On the other hand, I am feeling kinda sad because i would like to be well enough to go out exploring,
but then I look out my window and see what a grey ugly day it is... surely snow and wind and rain would not aid me in my battle against this zombie-making virus.

Dommage!